So...Here I am again. I admit. I don't write of much substance, if at all. What I recall writing is just some silly teenage girl gibberish. I want to write about things that matter. So maybe we should start with a lesson I knew but had never experienced.
I'm a smart girl. I am. I am wise beyond my years and my parents say I have an "old soul" like my aunt. But...This I believe has made me arrogant. And in my arrogance, I thought myself immune to common teenage girl mistakes. I had gone seventeen years without a first kiss. or a boyfriend...Until this July. It recently ended at my parents bidding after doing something i knew i wasn't ready for, but wanted just the same. I didn't want it to end, I care for him still and we are on good terms because we didn't wrong each other, and we didn't intentionally hurt the other.
My actions have taught me a lot. and i know it will be a long time until i truly feel like myself again. But i know I will be okay. I don't want anyone who reads this to think I'm an incredibly religious person. Because I'm not. But I was raised a non-traditional Mormon and I haven't been to church in years, but i pray and i know he'll get me through this.
But anyway, I said I was taught a lot. And what I've learned was this:
You have to love yourself first. Before you can love or be truly loved by another person!!!
He had told me he loved me...and I believed him. I really really did. And even though I knew I didn't, I told him I loved him too. We dated for...I think three months, about the average time limit. But I shouldn't have. I got invested in it too soon. And how can a girl who doesn't truly know herself give herself so completely to someone else? She can't. Not rightfully.
I don't know where to go with this lesson. Because it's late, and I'm tired. And have to get up early for school tomorrow. But promises to continue this lesson learned session later.
Just Me In the Mean Time...
- I'm Back...maybe.